listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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