my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
