I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
