My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
