This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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