I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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