I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
