I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
