Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
