is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
