when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My dick has a subreddit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
