I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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