just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
