I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
