just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
