Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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