I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
