Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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