I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
