I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
