Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
