Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
