Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
