No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
