mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize