So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
