So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
