and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your cock deserves a montage
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
