Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize