Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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