I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
