OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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