when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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