dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
