I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
