I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
