Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize