Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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