I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
