That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
