She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
