my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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