ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
