he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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