Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She bit a glass in half.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
