Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize