What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I love how my cats smell like pot.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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