He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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