tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
