That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize