Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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