Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out āmange moiā so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Heās got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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