Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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