You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
