Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
