The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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