it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
