i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
