If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
