i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
should my penis look like a turkey
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
