We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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