I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
