Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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