if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize