You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
