i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
