Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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