I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
