She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
