Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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