I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
