matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
