Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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