you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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