I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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