Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize