If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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