i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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