I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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