he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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