You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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