just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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