Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We got so high we made milksteak
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
