my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
