yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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