she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
