Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
