well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
