I met the friendliest cop last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
