Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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