omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize