The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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