Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
God, I missed his penis.
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