I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
