There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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