she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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