PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
