SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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