Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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