I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
